delirious: (Default)
With all the lighter fluid, the pule lit up fast, the flash instantly warming my face. I stood there and didn't try to stop her because I loved her too much then. I knew it wasn't good to burn all of Dad's things, but how can you not love someone who lets you see them in all that pain? For the first time, I saw her clearly, as if I were inside a dream of hers watching all her thoughts. She wasn't putting on an act. She wasn't being a nurse. She wasn't being a mother or a wfe or a good Christian. She was just dropping to her knees, inches from teh fire, and sliding her thin arms into the flames. If I screamed I didn't hear it, but I did pull her back, grabbing a fistful of her bathrobe, fulling understanding that I was now playing a part in that dream.

When the firetrucks and the ambulance came, I left her and ran into the house. I locked all the doors, turned off all the lights because we had revealed too much of ourselves. Crouching under a window that faced the yard, I heard the neighbours saying how they'd never seen such a thing. A man asked my mom how she felt.

All she said was, "I'm starving."

~Shelter, Page 5-6

"Skanky freak," she said, and plunked down next to me. She was tall and black and had on a denim mini-skirt that barely reached the tops of her long grasshopper legs. Right away I knew she wasn't a girl, not because of the way she looked but because she acted too much like one, too much drama in her hands and hips.

~Club Orchid, page 36

"Your cigarette smells like chocolate," was what finally came out of my mouth. I hadn't eaten that day and every smell was candy.

~Club Orchid, Page 37

When I got up to throw everything away I noticed on the carpet a greasy black-and-white photo that looked to have ben torn from a yearbook. It was of a boy with a perfect glob Afro, wearing a sweater and tie. An American flag waved in the background, and the name was scratched out in ink. The more I stared at him, the more I saw the likeness. The long cheekbones gave it away. He was maybe in the sixth grade or seventh, his eyes already bored with life. He didn't smile. He looked straight into the camera and maybe years beyond it.

~Club Orchid, Page 40

Outside I stumbled past the ambulance, the fire trucks, the emergency people hovering around the other who was busy wiping down her child. The asphalt was a lace of sparkling diamonds -- beautiful, jagged doily for the crushed picnic basket, the soggy bib, the map stuck to the pavement with sticky blood. I searched for the janitor. I wanted to see where he would go. I even looked for him up in the sky, blinding myself until everything vanished.

~On the Bus, Page 95

currently reading Miles from Nowhere by Nami Mun.

stark and pretty.

and i'm pretty damn cold sitting next to this window.
delirious: (leave it behind)
Right now I'm just hanging out on my roof because it's too warm in the room to sleep. It feels like it has rained and things are dripping in the distance, a bird is awake in the sky, of maybe it is a bat, but I don't know what noise they make. Cars. The hum of a neighbour's air conditioner. If only I had my army grade hammock from Beach Road. It would be perfect between the beams. They've been here for a hundred and fifty, I trust them more than I trust myself these days.
delirious: (Default)
I enjoy reading stories about death and the ghosts that come after, even though it makes me cry. I don't know why, even though in my dreams I don't ever want to die and fight it to the very end, the moment when I decide I've had enough and I wake up. I find representations of grief to be one of the most inspired and beautiful things, and when my heart aches more than the stinging slaps I lay on my thighs in order to bring myself back to reality, it's good.
delirious: (Default)
I realize I'm getting caught up in the details of the fabric and forgetting to look at the bigger picture.

Do your job, keep your cool, take it in your stride, think of what you need to do.

"One should strive to achieve; not sit in bitter regret." - VNV Nation
delirious: (love song)
in getting seven dollars worth of tips when you usually get only quarters.

It makes your day, even though you could have earned so much more elsewhere, but it is the satisfaction after the frustration that tastes sweet.

A taste I want to chase after.
delirious: (Default)
I can has pants, HOT PANTS in the temperature sense!

I can also has cold/cough meds.

Milk? Milk~
delirious: (whorl)
I love reading, but I torture myself sometimes by having to get up every two minutes to look up a word in a dictionary. It wouldn't be so painful if I weren't so cold, of course, leaving my pile of blankets makes me want to weep like a stupid baby and whine about how my laundry is not yet done because I need my pants.

But I have learned at curio cabinets are pretty things (perhaps meant to hold pretty things). Also, making a note to myself to read this wikipedia article about window blinds. It's like an odd motivation, but sometimes I wish for every single thing to have labels - to know the specific names of things, like some amusing and comical super power you only see in movies where the super hero is walking down the street and labels pop out in multi-colour and a variety of font. *insert witty line about some inappropriately named things*

I'm reading A home at the end of the world by Michael Cunningham, and its been really good so far. It has a particular haunting quality about it, slow but not forgettable, curling into the recesses of my mind, as if waiting for something.

"This is what you do. You make a future for yourself out of the raw material at hand."
delirious: (breakable)

I enjoyed hearing this so, so much. Why do we care about flossing our teeth more than preventing global warming?
delirious: (delirium)
Don't know how I ended up on this article, link clicking, probably? Wish I were more eloquent about things.

When (Rape) Fantasy Becomes Reality

The fact that she referred to it as "my dirty secret" makes me sadface. It may be your secret, but calling it "dirty" just goes to show some issues that she has not really accepted it herself. She does go on to prove that by saying she "dreaded" the talk of safewords and boundaries, and the point of her writing this article is to show that she learnt that lesson the hard way. The moral of the story? Always have that talk. I don't think she can be blamed for it unless she actively avoided the conversation by saying "let's not talk about it", and sharing intimate details of her fantasy does not in anyway mean he has permission to do it - the guy accusing her of "having asked for it" is the same as accusing girls who wear sexy, well-fitted clothes as asking to be raped. It's nice that girls wearing clothes that make them look good encourages guys to hit on them, if guys react to it and get turned down that's their problem - girls do not ask to get hit on whenever, and looking good like that doesn't mean she's easy. There's sexy, and then there's decency...

What could she have said that would have stopped him if there were no safewords nor prior discussion?

Not done reading this, but looks to be thought provoking. Roman Polanski Raped a child

Also because I've been getting emails from Planned Parenthood, Healthcare Reform - Abortion Coverage

Had a decaf cappuccino just now while I was with Kellie. Spent the entire time while I was drinking giving it the most aggrieved looks I could manage and going "I don't understand." in my head. Don't ever do decaf, guys. Came back and ordered books by Leslie Feinberg and Oliver Sacks off Amazon! Hopefully, I will actually read these books, since I read the blurbs/excerpts and have gone "Oh! Interesting!" instead of books everyone say are good and I should read but I never get around to finishing them..

Pro-choice, yo.

fucking a

Aug. 23rd, 2009 10:25 pm
delirious: (delirium)
It's slightly amusing how I can find out that my university friends have gotten married from my mother. Obviously she's more connected to the right people than I am. Still, pleased.


Aug. 8th, 2009 01:59 pm
delirious: (love song)
she's back she's back she's backkkkkkkkkkkk! :DDD
delirious: (breakable)
Saturday night I went for a goth party, and walking into the room felt like "I have arrived". The attendance was low, but I had fun and was comfortable the whole night. I really like the goth community here, I think. People are sincere, tolerant, pretty, gorgeous, and we all think the Singapore government needs to get that stick out of its ass. I can only wish I had time to stick around for more events to get to know more people better.

Somehow, the stayover morphed into an afternoon of lounging by my swimming pool stuffing our faces with food and teaching Karen how to swim. xx and I kind of laughed our heads off when we shouldn't; I hadn't had such a hilarious laugh in ages, even though it's at someone else's misery. But I think Karen knows how to swim, somewhat! I have to give it to her for her determination XD

Today, however, my hair is shit from the chlorine (the only downside to swimming, and my being a vainpot). It's warm and all I want to do is curl up on the couch and be anti-social, continue my relentless denial of the need to find myself a paying job, deliberate whether I should change my flight back to the US. I didn't give it much thought when I set the date, because I thought I'd just have to get used to it, you know? The longer I stay here, the harder it is to leave, even though sometimes I think I've seriously had it with the upright people and almost oppressive need to conform in this society, had it with the way people expect you to behave a certain way and when you don't they are surprised. I wonder, however, if it's "better" anywhere else, is it a chronic case of "the grass is always greener on the other side" when you've kind of seen both sides?


Mmmm, when told that I'm always quiet in groups, then my preference for the unconventional, Wendy accused -

delirious: (whorl)
Since the beginning, I've got two group of friends who like to arrange group outings on the same day - my RJ class and the RJCSB people.

Today was one such day, but with a significant improvement over the others. I didn't have to miss much of either! :D

I miscalculated travel times and had to skitter all the way from City Hall to Esplanade. I think I embarrassed myself when I missed the Box Office to collect my ticket but I managed to make it in the nick of time :D Concerts always start late, somehow... We sat in the second row from the front, with a perfect view of Mr. Oura and his magnificent cuteness. I believe we are now J6 and still have high school girlcrushes on our resident conductor. Quite embarrassing, because we called his cellphone when he was in the middle of changing out of his clothes, he actually told us he was in his briefs when he picked up the call. We wanted to pass him chocolates and were so afraid he'd run off too quickly! Hazukashii T_T We all felt ridiculously old amongst the JC kids :| They band was okay, we kind of tore them apart for their playing, but we were all 18 once, so. We have high expectations of our own band, yo. We have pride~ Also, I think the perks of having a Japanese conductor is that he picks a lot of pieces arranged by Japanese composers, which kind of caters to my own interests.

Ms. Low's house is so pretty! Weixiang made cheesecake and ice cream, Joshua made coconut cake, I was tempted to buy apple strudel at 6PM but doubted it would have survived my frantic walk to the Esplanade so I basically freeloaded. I feel... fat in need of exercise. Seeing my form teacher is kind of intimidating since I've always been a lazy student, I totally have some anxiety thing for authority figures :| Caught up with some people, had a good time.

Don't want to forget this, so I'm writing it down, you see.
delirious: (delirium)
This morning I woke up and refused to get out of bed because I liked the dreams I was having too much.

I like to call these the "fake" dreams, because I'm obviously awake but allowing my brain go batshit, since it was kind of ridiculous and all sorts of stupid technicolour.

It was a crossover between real life and The Quiz Show 2, only there was magic involved and lots of Christmas tricks. Possibly set in my grandmother's three story condominium, Yoko - who had a dastardly wide smile on his face - was wooing Sho in a Santa hat. I was going down the street to get some coffee, my brothers were in the house reading Harry Potter, and the scene outside the house reminded me of Italy.

I feel like I should advise my real grandmother not to buy that house she's been eying in some Unplottable place in China... Remind me how awesome brains are again?

I am clearly cut out to be a fantasy author. Also, proud that I've got my priorities set straight. Where's my Italian cappuccino?
delirious: (love song)

Stefanie Sun Yanzi was powerful, cute, adorable, giggly, obnoxious, hot, stunningly confident, all in all, fucking awesome *_*
delirious: (delirium)
It feels good to be on wheels again. As childish as it sounds, there's something great and magical about eating up all that tar under your feet and feeling so natural at something even though it's been two years since you last did it. Yes, shut up, I am waxing lyrical about rollerblading. Shutupshutupshutup.

Some things you just don't forget, no matter how hard you try (why would you?).

Like the good times you spend with people.

Like the feeling of knowing something in your muscles, sinews and bones.

Like how the shoreline used to look two years ago, it's just as nice now as it was two years ago, perhaps even better.

You can't forget the things that are in your heart.

I wondered about what would be the thing that has changed my life over these last three years, if to someone else, breaking her leg changed hers. Despite the momentary unease of not being able to come up with something immediately, I felt happy. It is not that there is nothing, but instead there are many things, so many things I don't even know where to begin.


The coffee cup that has cooled down
a little is like a merry-go-round
It mimics our inertia

Let's kiss one more time, and
expose your secret
Beyond your tongue and mine,
there's the truth...

kiss twice, kiss me deadly,

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