your eyes I can't see because you're not looking at me

sometimes in these moments I wonder how fucked up, or how weird I am to some people. people who humour me and my ramblings, people who've taken care of me and seen me at my lowest and most troublesome moments.

other times I'm just like, they are the weird ones.

sometimes I think that if I were happier, if I hated myself less, if I knew what I was doing, if, if, if --

then maybe the words will come.